the day being dragged around Lunar and being reintroduced to places I hadn’t seen in a decade, I should’ve been exhausted. I’d been plucked, waxed, styled, and forced to parade around in six-heels until I didn’t walk like a newborn deer. I’d visited memory lane with a tornado known as Lisa, and instead of spending the day reminiscing and thinking about things that could’ve left me feeling worse about myself, I blew through without even touching those sad thoughts. Lisa never allowed it.
I never had a chance to slow down and think. The first moment I had to myself to remember that I maybe should feel a little panic about my ten-year reunion, I was standing under a balloon archway in the high school gym. My eyes trailed over the crowd mulling around candlelit tables and to the wall on the other side. A giant sign welcomed everyone to the reunion and under it, I could see eight by ten photographs.
“Please don’t tell me those are yearbook photos.”
Lisa linked her arm through mine, probably afraid I’d tuck tail and run. “Oh, I believe they are. I desperately need to see them all. I’ve seen Russ’, of course, but I never saw yours. Oh, gosh. Were the three stooges as hot back then as they are now?”
Russ growled under his breath and stole his wife from me. “Do not call my friends hot, wife. It’s awful for me to hear, but if they hear it, I’ll never live it down.”
“Come on, Reagan! Let’s go look!” Lisa grabbed my hand and pulled me into the lion’s den. She had no clue that I was silently having a heart attack.
Lunar High School held good and bad memories for me, but, of course, I could only think of the bad ones when faced with it again. I couldn’t help thinking of the awkwardness I’d gone through, the teasing I’d faced, or the eventual bullying. I felt a wash of the same discomfort I’d felt in my body back then and my fight or flight response screamed for me to get away. My brain was screaming that I was close to danger. Unfortunately, I had no real reason to flee because the danger my brain was perceiving was just leftover embarrassment from being a normal high school student.
Lisa stopped in front of the wall and gripped my hand tight. “Look at you! Oh, my god. You were adorable. You still had braces! And your cute little cheeks were freaking cherub-level chubby.”
I stared at my photo and had no trouble remembering what it was like being that girl. I was taller than the rest of the girls and I hadn’t gotten used to my lanky limbs. Clumsy and awkward, I’d always felt like a freak. My braces were impossible to miss, my chubby cheeks made me look like a kid, and I’d let my mom dress me because I had no clue what I was doing. It turned out she didn’t either. Pair that all with the fact that my mom insisted we stay loyal to Beverly, the aging hair stylist who thought I was rude because I was a teenager, and it was like I was looking at the before poster from every makeover show.
“That was taken the summer before senior year. Don’t let it fool you into thinking Reagan stayed an awkward duckling.” Russ stood just behind us and rested both hands on Lisa’s shoulders. “I spent my senior year threatening guys to stay away from her.”
I frowned and turned to him. “No, you didn’t.”
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I did.”
Lisa grinned. “I’ve heard stories from Russ about how he nearly lost his spot on the football team for getting into a fight over some of the guys talking about you.”
Russ grunted unhappily. “For the record, I’d still fight for you.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me about Ben and drive me straight to LA so we could handle him?”
“Are you kidding?”
Like an old married couple, they gradually walked away, so lost in bickering with each other that the rest of the world ceased to exist. It was fine with me because I was stuck on what Russ said. No one had wanted me senior year. I’d stayed the awkward, lonely kid. The loser who trailed along behind her brother and his best friends.
My eyes sought out their pictures like a fiend, my heart kicking up a bit as I spotted their faces stapled to the wall next to Russ’. I’d definitely trailed along behind them. I’d forever trailed along behind them, since before middle school, even. I couldn’t remember a time in my childhood that I didn’t have crushes on my brother’s best friends. Thinking about what Russ said, I wondered if he’d ever threatened them away from me senior year.
Never in a million years would I have ever thought they found me attractive at all that year until the night of prom. That night changed everything. That night was the first time I’d ever felt pretty, the night I’d lost my virginity, and the last night I’d ever felt happy in Lunar. Russ’ best friends had blown up every potential rule he’d ever given them about staying away from me. I’d begged them to. When the smoke settled, however, they denied ever starting the fire and I’d been left the lying slut. Somehow, I’d managed to be both a slut and a liar who made up the story that supposedly made me a slut. It didn’t take much in high school.
The aftermath of prom night was the real reason being back in Lunar made my skin feel like it was too tight. It wasn’t that I’d been a loser in high school who was mocked and teased. It was the bullying that came after, the way I was suddenly desired by boys who thought I was easy and ridiculed by them a breath later. It was the way I couldn’t face Russ because he’d been so angry at me for spreading a sick rumor about his best friends. It was the way my parents couldn’t look me in the eye because they weren’t sure. It was the fact that I went from invisible to infamous overnight.
I didn’t know what Russ was talking about, saying that he’d had to threaten guys away from me. I remembered clearly being the ugly duckling, not the awkward duckling until I was the slutty duckling.
I turned away from the photos, desperately needing a drink. Reliving those memories was almost as bad as standing in front of the station of fresh rolls I’d just put out on the executive floor where I worked and having my boyfriend’s wife scream at me before launching one of those fresh rolls at my head. Having hot butter splatter across my cheek tipped the scale in favor of my most recent shaming.
The scuffed wood floor was the original gym floor, the same one I’d tripped over my feet and fallen on a hundred times, and I was more than aware of that fact as I navigated my way to the bar in stilettos that I had no business wearing. I cleared the tables and stepped around a few scattered balloons, so close to the alcohol that I desperately wanted. When I glanced up, though, everything went to hell.
Standing at the bar with Russ and Lisa was August Lee, one of Russ’ best friends. He’d changed in the ten years that had passed since I’d seen him, but he was one of the guys that I’d basically stalked for most of my childhood and teen years. I’d know his profile anywhere. The suit and bulk of his body were surprising, but I yanked my eyes away. No way was I going there. I couldn’t face him. One glimpse and my heart was already pounding like a bad rock band.
I tried to spin around to change course, but the heels didn’t agree with me. Time seemed to slow as I felt myself falling. Of course, I was going to fall down in front of everyone. Of course. I just had to remind my graduating class what an idiot I’d been and possibly still was. I sighed and waited for the pain.
Instead of hitting the wooden floor of the gym, though, I was gracefully caught and pulled into a hard, warm chest. The smell of warm cinnamon and engine oil filled my nose and my eyes popped open to stare into the almost black eyes of Theo White.
