I can hardly breathe.
Everywhere I go, either Kayce is there with his stupid, blinding smirk, or Chy is clacking her acrylics against her phone screen. Then came the icing on the ugliest cake in existence: she had her massive pregnancy tits hanging out over breakfast this morning as she continued to flirt openly with Colt.
It’s all too much, and I feel like I’m one second away from screaming.
Being outside with the horses has been the shred of sanity that I’ve clung to. There’s hardly a spot left in these stalls that hasn’t been thoroughly attended.
I’m sure these horses have never had so much pampering, but this is my refuge. I’d take one of them out for a ride somewhere, but in all honesty, I haven’t dared to, because I know that’s what Colt has done today.
After Chy’s breakfast time near nipple slips and constantly staring at Colt’s ass, he took off as fast as he could.
Kayce was nowhere to be seen, sleeping off the booze, until after his father had long left for some far-flung corner of the ranch.
Which left me faced with the prospect of having to spend time with the crazy pregnant lady, or the opportunity to make my hasty exit. So, I grabbed my coffee and practically ran out the door as soon as it seemed a non-suspicious amount of time after Colt departed.
God, my cheeks immediately heat, recalling last night. What we did in secret in the bathroom. How it felt so fucking hot and natural to be with him, followed by the moment when he touched my face so tenderly afterward.
My heart squeezes, feeling the ghost of his lips against my forehead. The brush of the pads of his thumbs against the apple of my cheeks.
For what it’s worth, whatever this is, I want it so bad it fucking aches.
I lay in bed last night with tears brimming over, replaying those words. Curled into a ball in my giant empty bed, in a room that doesn’t feel like my room at all.
How is it possible to miss him so desperately, when we’re under the same roof, and we had sex only hours before? My cowboy feels like he might as well be separated from me by oceans and continents, not a few soft footsteps down a quiet hallway.
Gnawing on my lip, I brush Ollie. She’s looking so gorgeous and glossy and positively preens under my strokes over her coat. I’ve taken extra time with each of the horses today, dragging out every moment lost in thought—deeply lost in memories of Colt.
I’m also feeling a sense of dread as to what is to come once my time here is officially up and I have to leave. I’ve got to collect my car, which apparently is fixed and ready for me anytime I’m ready to pick it up. Then, I’ve got to move on to my next placement.
My attempts to find a new job have been half-hearted at best. But I’ve seen a couple of requests from stables and dude ranches not too much of a distance from here, then some others that are a good few hours away.
The temptation is strong to look for somewhere as far from this mountain as possible. Because I simply do not know how I’ll be able to work and live and continue to exist, knowing I could easily climb in my car and return to Crimson Ridge.
Maybe I need to look for something closer to where my graduation ceremony will be? That’s at least a full day’s drive away, in Colorado, if not more.
So far, I haven’t had the heart to open any of Sage’s recent messages. I know she’ll be poised and ready to rip into me when I finally do discover the energy to hit reply, but as of right now, I don’t know what to say. Maybe I need to tell my best friend I’m coming back home, and try to find somewhere to complete my apprenticeship close by.
There aren’t anywhere near as many options for vet placements, but at least I could hug my friend and sob uncontrollably into her shoulder and eat ice cream in my underwear while I form a Layla-shaped imprint on her couch.
Totally normal behavior.
She wouldn’t suspect a thing.
How fucked up is it to know that you’re already going through heartbreak, and the loss of the greatest love you’ve ever known, when he’s still right fucking there? When you can still catch his scent as you walk down the hallway and find his favorite coffee mug in the cupboard.
Even worse is the fact that he pretty much admitted that he felt everything I’m feeling last night. He didn’t exactly say the words but he told me he wanted to. Colt told me he wanted to say them, but that he wasn’t going to. Not at that moment.
I think I fell even deeper in love with him as he uttered that gritty whisper.
He respects me enough, and cares about me enough, that he wasn’t going to give me something so valuable while I was drunk and needy in a tiny bar bathroom.
“So this is where you hide out all day, huh?”
A voice that makes my fine hairs stand on end comes from just behind me.
For a brief second, I close my eyes and take in a measured, deep inhale through my nostrils. Be civil.
“Hey, Chy.” Turning around, I flash her a plastered-on smile, then promptly duck underneath Ollie’s neck, to stand on the other side and begin grooming the opposite flank.
The side that I’ve already groomed. But Chy doesn’t know that, so here we are.
At least I’ve got a thousand pounds of horse separating the two of us.
“Sure seems to keep you busy, being out here.” Chy is peering all around. She’s at least put on a coat and covered up her tits, but I can’t help feeling like she’s out here seeking the older Wilder man.
God, it’s so fucked up. Why can’t Kayce smell the bullshit rolling off this woman? Oh, wait. Not my problem.
“Just doing my job.” I keep that smile on my face, but it feels like I’m just gritting my teeth.
“And you and Kayce’s dad… you’ve been up here this whole time… alone?”
Oh, she isn’t daring to go this route, is she?
“Uhh, well, firstly, it’s my job to be here on the ranch. Secondly, he’s my boss, so of course, I’ve been working alongside him.” My eyes stay fixed on the glide of the grooming brush over the glossy flank. The fingers of my free hand stroke Ollie’s nose.
She must agree something about this girl smells off, because she stamps a hoof.
“But, it’s been weeks and weeks that just you two have been up here.”
“Can’t exactly leave the mountain very easily when the road is blocked, can I?” I’m trying to keep my voice level while talking through a clenched jaw.
I don’t like where this conversation is going, nor her accusatory tone. Especially not the fact she’s sniffing around looking for evidence of something that is one hundred percent true, but is none of her goddamn business. Whatever transpired between me and Colt does not need to be dug up or uncovered by this meddlesome bitch.
She sighs and leans a shoulder up against the stall. And yeah, I don’t miss the way she looks me up and down.
“I hope there’s no hard feelings, all things considered.”
My throat tightens. “About what?”
“Oh, just the whole thing with Kayce…” She runs her tongue over her teeth, dark eyes still beady and narrowed on me.
“I don’t know if I follow.” Not that I want to. I’d quite like for her to fuck right off.
“He didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“That we first started hooking up last autumn, on and off… then you know, he moved away for a bit with his rodeo shit… but by the summer, he realized what he was missing.”
My teeth grind. Great. So not only was Kayce taking advantage of my kindness—when I gave him a place to stay, and let him into my bed—but he was in an on-again-off-again thing with this skanky bitch.
I’ve never been more relieved for the fact we always used a condom and that I got myself tested as soon as we split up.
God knows what fleas this girl is carrying around.
Ugh, a shudder runs through me.
Kayce is the fucking worst. How many other random girls exactly like this one has he had on his roster of beds to hop between.
“Well, congratulations that you guys are… uhhh… starting a family.” I really wish she’d just leave. This whole conversation is making my stomach churn.
“I knew he’d come to his senses.” She cocks her head to one side. Still staring at me with a shit-eating look on her face.
Good thing I couldn’t fucking care less. She can have Kayce and his drinking and his uselessness. If anything, my heart aches for the fact Colt is going to invariably get tangled up in this disaster that his son has gotten himself into. After having gone through his own trauma with unexpectedly becoming a father, he’s now got an awfully similar situation come to shack up right under his roof.
“Ok.” I shrug.
“So, you haven’t had anything happen to you up here, Layla?”
“Excuse me?” God. This bitch might be pregnant, but I’m not above throwing some horse shit at her if she doesn’t get the hint and leave me the fuck alone.
“Did Colton Wilder ever tell you the truth about Devil’s Peak Ranch?”
My nails thread into Ollie’s mane as I try to control my temper. There is nothing I want more than to be able to snap my fingers and vanish from this spot. To escape whatever this is.
“I’m guessing not.” She continues. “Did you know his grandaddy was a filthy molester? That he assaulted women and got away with it? Colton Wilder inherited a property that, by all rights, should have gone to others in this town. The only reason it didn’t is because old man Wilder lied through his teeth, and back in the day, fifty-odd years ago, who would believe a young girl working on a ranch up a mountain? Who would believe the underage girl with a baby on the way?”
I stop and meet her intense stare from across the stall.
“Let me guess. Those people you’re talking about are the Piersons?”
Everything suddenly begins to slot into place. The real reason Colt seemed so reluctant to point the finger at them, even though he had evidence they’d been up to no good around his property. Why he was so protective over me. From what he’s told me about how much he hated his grandfather, I don’t doubt the man was capable of something so awful.
“And guess who got them fucking arrested last night… all because they were dancing with you.” Chy just about spits the words in my direction. Her overplucked eyebrows arch as she dares me to confess to the reason why Colt might be acting protective over me.
But I’m not having any of it. I have no idea if Colt was involved with what happened last night. It’s all a blur, but either way, it wasn’t me they roofied. The other girl with me on the dance floor is the one they got to before anyone could stop them.
Folding my arms, I stand my ground. “I don’t know what you think you heard or saw, but it was one of Kayce’s friends—and by extension, I’m assuming one of your friends—who those guys gave a drink to. One that I can only guess had something slipped in it.”
She waves me off with her lurid claws.
“You have no idea about anything here, sweetie. I suggest you think twice before you let a man like Colton Wilder anywhere near you.”
“Listen, Chy. I don’t particularly care what you think you know, or saw, but I’m going to politely ask you to let me get back to work. I’ve got a job to do, and as you can see, there’s plenty needing to be done up here.”
“Oh, I can imagine.” She gives me a smirk. “Is that the kind of work that requires you to be on your knees, Layla?”
This fucking bitch.
“There you are, babe.”
Just as I’m getting ready to drag a pregnant piece of scum out of this barn by her hair, Kayce’s voice cuts through the tension.
Chy whirls round, all fake smiles, making cooing noises at the man coming toward us.
“What cha’ doing out here in the cold?” He doesn’t seem overly affectionate or touchy with her, I’ve noticed. Not that I’m interested in the slightest about their relationship, but it hasn’t escaped my attention that Kayce doesn’t exactly seem to be acting like a doting boyfriend or father-to-be.
Maybe that’s because he hasn’t had any role models growing up to show him an example of that.
Jesus. We’re all just as fucked up as each other when it comes to shitty family dynamics around this place. One big ball of generational screw-ups.
Yet another reason why I have no intention of having children of my own. Ever. No thank you, that’s just not a path that is ever going to be for me. I’ve lived through a life of having a mother who didn’t exactly want a kid. It was the easiest decision of my own knowing that I wanted to stay child-free by choice.
I know there are plenty of women out there who can’t understand that, but the ones I’ve come across in my life who get it, get it.
“I was just coming to find you.” Chy is all saccharine smiles as she winds herself around Kayce. “Let’s get out of Layla’s way. She’s apparently got some hard work to do that requires her being on her knees for hours.” Throwing me a haughty look, she drags Kayce off out of the barn.
My ears are hot, and I have to swallow down a lump threatening to rise in my throat.
I just have to get through the next week, and then I’ll be gone.
Away from that bitch.
Away from the ghosts haunting Devil’s Peak.
Away from the bullshit of Kayce and his shitty life decisions.
And gut wrenchingly, I’ll be long gone from Colt Wilder.
