The next two days are much of the same, although more time is spent staring at my flat stomach with an overwhelming bittersweet happiness. It’s my purpose here. It’s everything he wanted. A beautiful horned beginning, and a horrible, heartbreaking end. I watch as another male approaches my guard. There’s been a lot today. Where there’s usually only one who shows up with meals and then another to swap some nights, the dark suns are only at their highest point and already there’s been five.
I try to press my ear to the door, listening for anything, but their voices are low, lost in the wind. The storm is picking up, and it feels like an omen. I swing the door open suddenly, as if to catch a naughty child doing something they shouldn’t. Only met with two baffled Bhaurnul males. I stare, dumbfounded too, then angry. Oh, so fucking angry. It hits me suddenly like a slap of hot iron against my chest, digging in deep. I stare at them; the silence is heavy and thick. My guard cracks before the other. “The trial is tonight. No, you may not attend. It is dangerous for a female.”
“I was coming to check on my Zylari.” My guard’s eyes narrow as the other one seems to relax, grateful I seemingly don’t care. I’m a human surrogate after all. Nothing more, nothing less. “I can imagine this means I will be returned to the agency soon. Once everything is resolved?”
He lifts his head higher, as if when he gets a better vantage point of the top of my head, I’ll make more sense. “I am unsure. It is up to the elder and you, of course, but that comes later.”
Stepping out past them into the harsh wind, I simply nod. I hadn’t dressed properly, but granted I hadn’t really been planning to come out here yet. At most I get one visit, but… with the weather turning, perhaps maybe two.
That’s all I need.
I’m small on this planet.
Easily lost.
I keep that in mind when I tend the empty nest box, shivering in the snow.
Fafnir
Horns ram into my shoulder, piercing flesh, but I am stronger. One snaps off, I shove it in him deep.
They’ve taken something from me.
I will kill until it is returned.
I have forgotten how to breathe.
What the world looks like when it’s not drenched in red.
My thoughts are quiet.
Only hazel eyes and a single word keep chanting steadily in my mind.
Mate.
Lenora
Slipping my guard is laughably easy. I’m a human. We’re small, weak, nothing is expected of me except maybe to annoy him or get myself killed. The latter I still hope to avoid, but I’m quickly realizing that’s more or less out of my hands.
The storm is brutal.
Building into a crescendo of needle-like ice and bellowing winds that stagger and topple me. My entire body shakes, the sound of my chattering teeth lost to the howling storm, but inside my head it’s deafening. Another hard gust hits me, knocking me to my knees. I haven’t a clue how long it’s been, but judging by the near pitch black darkness, I’ve come far. Maybe too far, maybe not far enough. I’m exhausted, each step is taken through thick piling snow, and each of my legs weighs as much as Val’s.
I have to be close, surely.
I’m going to miss it.
I’ll be too late.
Desperation claws up my throat as I struggle to my feet, only to be knocked down again. I made a mistake, but it’s too late to go back. I need to get up.
I have to get up.
Maybe in a moment.
He worked too hard, suffered too much for his child to freeze in my belly because I’m a weak, impulsive human. The bitterness is choking; it has been for days now, souring my already spoiled stomach.
My tears freeze on my lashes, my head snapping behind me when a soft crunch sounds in the snow. My heart jolts in my chest when another comes to the right. I tell myself it’s nothing. It’s been nothing for the past…. however long. Denial is a powerful tool to have in your arsenal, and I’ve spent years cultivating mine. Humans are dying out, but there’s still time to change that. The aliens hate us, but only some. Terra2 is a death sentence, but there’s hope that people make it out. Fafnir is probably already at the hands of a fate I cannot control, but maybe he’s not. I am lost, but I think I’m close to the Sihlih enclosure.
Another step to my left, followed by a deep, low growl.
I am easy prey, but they haven’t taken a bite yet. Perhaps I do not look worth eating.
There’s a quick flurry of movement behind me, and my brain slams its fist down hard on the fight-or-flight button.
I cannot fight something I cannot see in near pitch darkness, in an alien blizzard.
I am pregnant.
Freezing.
Sick.
Scared.
I scream.
My thighs burn and ache as I pump them, crawling, scrambling on my knees as something snaps just over my shoulder.
I’m sorry.
Oh god, I’m sorry Fafnir.
I’m sorry, my baby.
I messed up.
Bad.
“Help!!! Help!” I scream. It’s lost in the wind. Something large and heavy knocks into my side, hard. Stealing the breath from my lungs. When I look up, it’s into the snarled maw of a dark colored, horned… wolf?
I’m going to die.
I’m so far away from home.
I’d hoped I’d be buried by Dad. Another unmarked grave. There’s no one who knows what I wanted. I never said it out loud.
“Valoryx!!!”
It snaps for my throat; I give it my arm instead. The pain is instant, crushing. I scream again, but my eyes fill with tiny black dots. “Valor—’ my words cut off in another violent scream as the beasts’ teeth are ripped from my arm. Around me is carnage. A familiar deep, snarling growl makes a crazed laugh sound from my throat as I tuck my arm to my chest, trying to gauge how truly bad it is in the dark.
Not terrible.
Not good.
Denial. Denial. Denial.
The blood is warm, though.
That’s nice.
When the sounds of carnage end, a giant nose digs under my shoulder, trying to shift me up, a low keening, worried sound leaves my scaled, furry friend.
I lift a shaky, bloody hand, sinking it deep underneath Val’s chin, into his mane and scratch. “Let’s go get your dad.”
It takes me longer than usual to climb up onto the beast, even with his tail’s help, but the adrenaline hasn’t slowed yet. My heart is pumping so hard I can feel it in my ribs, slamming against them as if caged. Oh, fucking hell, I really thought I was about to die.
“Halthara!” I bark over the wind, my pronunciation shoddy at best. My head tucks deep into his warm fur as he launches into the night. I realize belatedly I’m not even sure that’s where Fafnir is.
But it could be.
It has to be.
