“So it was amazing!?” The champagne bottle pops, and the cork goes flying as Kelly grins at me from ear to ear from across her kitchen counter.
“Yes, it was amazing, but you’re missing the point!” I moan, exasperated, on the verge of a panic attack. “He’s a serial killer!”
“We knew this, Elena.” She smiles, pouring us both glasses. “He sent you letters from prison, remember? You had to go to prison to fuck him?”
“Yes, I know that! But you did your magical witch mind-control on me and had me convinced that it was no big deal because he was behind bars for life and all that!”
“And am I wrong?”
“Well…no,” I stammer. “But I go there, we have the most unbelievable sex of my life, and then what does he say right after?”
“What?”
“Something about how he used to kill people, but only bad guys, and he was doing the police a favor and they should never have put him in jail to begin with!”
Kelly bursts out laughing so hard she has to brace herself on the counter to keep herself from falling over.
“Oh, I’m glad you find this funny!”
I, on the other hand, have not stopped shaking since I drove back from the prison. I came straight here instead of going home. There was no way I was going to be able to be home alone after what just happened, that was for sure. I’m still absolutely buzzing from the post-orgasmic aftershocks that keep pulsing through me, but also shaking and trying to get over the realization of what I just did.
“I had sex with a serial killer,” I say slowly. “A serial killer.”
“And as a member of the prosecuting attorney’s team, you should feel ethically compromised,” Kelly laughs, sliding my glass across the counter to me. I give her the death-glare and gulp down half my champagne in one go.
“I kind of do.”
“Would you stop!?” she cackles. “It was five years ago! You were an intern. You’re not going to get in any trouble from anybody now. Besides, you aren’t doing any favors for him or making any legal promises. It’s just a bit of good ol’ fashioned fun!”
“With a serial—”
“Serial killer.” Kelly nods. “We talked about this before you went, Elena!”
“I know we did!” I sigh, slumping down in a stool and burying my face in my hands. “But the reality of the situation once he started talking? It was like a splash of ice water in my face right after…right after we finished. You know?”
“Men should know when to keep their mouths shut,” Kelly says simply.
“Right!? I mean…way to kill the mood!”
I gulp down the rest of my champagne and push the glass back toward Kelly, signaling my need for a refill. I hear her laugh under her breath and oblige.
“Speaking of which,” she says. “How was it anyway? Worth all this?”
A smile creeps over my lips as I look up at her. The two of us have known each other long enough for her to know my answer simply by that smile, but after what happened, of course I’m going to elaborate.
“It was un-be-lievable!” I tell her as the memories of the most primal, sensual, life-changing sexual encounter come rushing back to me. Instantly my body starts tingling. I remember the feel of his hands on my hips, his fingers threaded through my hair, his lips on mine as he kissed me, and his warm breath on my neck as he held me and whispered his dirty talk into my ear.
“I was trying to like…put on a show for him…” I say, feeling myself blush.
“Yeah?” Kelly giggles.
“But before I could, he just grabbed me, threw me down on the floor, and rammed it in me.”
Kelly’s eyes roll back in her head so hard that for a second I think she’s about to pass out. She groans, takes a deep breath, then opens them again and gives me a look of girl envy.
“Hot,” she says simply.
“And he’s huge. I mean…monstrous. I felt like he was going to tear me in two.”
Kelly gulps her glass and begins pouring another. “Do you have any idea how badly I wish I was you right now? Ron hasn’t fucked me like that in…well, I don’t know if he’s ever fucked me like that, but he hasn’t given it to me like he used to in years.”
“Well, just find yourself a serial killer,” I shrug. “Although I have to warn you, the post-nut guilt is pretty intense.”
Kelly bursts out laughing, picks up a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and throws them at me.
“Bitch, did you just say ‘post-nut guilt’?”
I crack up laughing and duck as she throws another handful in my direction. They scatter harmlessly across the floor.
“That’s what all the guys call it!”
Kelly snaps her fingers. “And that’s the headspace you need to get into if you’re going to keep doing this. The guy headspace.”
“Guy headspace?”
“Dude-brain.” Kelly nods. “You need to have the dude-brain.”
“Oh, so I need to start liking video games and sports now?” I laugh.
“No, you just need to compartmentalize.” Kelly dumps the peanut bowl out in front of me, takes an envelope, and uses it to divide the pile into two.
She points to the left. “On this side, your girl-brain. The one that knows that Bain is a serial killer, murderer scumbag who’s going to be in prison for the rest of his life.” She points to the right pile. “And on this side, your dude-brain, the one that knows that Bain also fucks like a pornstar maniac and is definitely worth going back to visit.”
“Oh my God,” I groan and eye the two piles of peanuts, then point to the dude-brain one. “You know, this one does look tastier…”
Kelly cracks up again. “Right? You have to do it, Elena. If not for you, then for me.”
“For you?”
“Think about me, stuck in this sham of a marriage, not getting any,” she sighs. “You going back to that prison week after week and coming back here with stories for me will be like my own personal erotica novel.”
“Oh, Jesus…” I groan, hiding my face behind my hair. “So now it’s not just about me having a good time? Now I have to report back to you like some anthropologist or something?”
“No, just like a good friend,” Kelly replies with a wink. “Think of it as spicing up my marriage without me actually having to step out of line. Know what I’m saying?”
Laughing, I shake my head again and tilt my glass forward for a refill. I can see by the look in her eyes that she’s envious of my situation, and I can’t lie: The time we spent together before he started talking and reminding me of who he actually is was amazing.
Maybe I can get my “dude-brain” working.
Maybe I can compartmentalize and actually enjoy myself and not let a little thing like serial murder get in the way of a good time. After all, it’s not like Bain would ever hurt me, right?
