It’s already Friday. Matthew’s been helping me pack because I guess professional movers and packers are taking care of their stuff. We drink wine together, tease each other, go through my things and talk about the memories they bring up.
I love this time with Matthew, it reaffirms what I was already sure about. That he and I are going to be good together. That he’s the one that is right for me. Matthew puts a sombrero on my head and I set a top hat on his.
“You’re so dapper.”
He stands and bows to me. “Can I interest you in a dance? Perhaps … a tango?”
I laugh and jump up to join him. Dancing with silly hats on. I trip over my feet until Matthew shows me the dance, despite the lack of music. We’re dramatic and ridiculous. I love being able to have fun with him like this. He’ll be a good dad one day.
The thought makes me pause. Matthew dips me, then pulls me back up. “What’s that face for?”
“We should have one big conversation … thing before we cement this.”
He blinks at me a few times. “Is it the guys?”
I remember Gunner’s reaction. “Maybe two.”
He gently takes off my hat and lets me toss it in the pile for a thrift store, but sets his top hat in the box. I clear my throat. “Have you thought about kids?”
“Bella.”
“I’m not saying right away. I just … I know I want them in the future and if we’re going to be moving in together, you know … I think we should talk about it.”
“That’s fair.” He rubs his chin. “I hadn’t really thought about it either way. I figured there would be a time when I would be ready or desperate to have kids, but … They’re definitely on the table. It’s not a no.”
I lean against him. “You’ll be a really good dad.”
“I don’t know if I have the discipline skills for that.”
“I do.” I wink. “We’re a good balance that way.”
“And the other thing.” He prompts.
“Gunner overheard me ending things with Holden. I guess he didn’t understand when I was with him before. He got angry.”
“I see.” Matthew rubs his jaw. “Do they know it’s because of me?”
“I just said it was time. Miles knows, but I didn’t want them all swamping you with questions or demands. We can still tell them before we leave, but I wanted to do the ending thing first.”
“Have you finished telling everyone?”
“I have Roman left.” I huff. “He works constantly and it feels wrong to do it at work, so I’ve been trying to find the right time, but it’s hard. Can you help me?”
Matthew looks a little shocked. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever asked me for help, Bella.”
“I like doing things my own way, love. You know that.” I play with my fingers. “But Roman’s intimidating. If you can just get him to go to lunch with me or something … he’s good at saying no to me.”
“I see.”
I hate when he says that. But he’s considering it which is more than what normally follows those two words. He nods once. “I’ll get him free tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Matt.” I kiss his cheek.
He gapes. “I just got downgraded to ‘Matt’?”
“Why the extra letters? No judgment. I’m just curious.”
“Do you have any idea how many guys in the military are named ‘Matt’? Miles instantly called me Matthew. He said I had a baby face.”
I don’t see it anymore. Especially not with that dark shadow over his eyes. Matthew exhales. “It sucks, even though the baby fat didn’t. And my mother had a thing about shortening names that it was disrespectful or turned you into a lesser person, so it’s always just been, Matthew,” He says.
I kiss his sharp jaw, nuzzle his neck and rub over his chest. “I like you exactly as you are, Matthew. With or without the ‘hew’.”
That settles things between us. We pack a few more boxes and he heads home, taking all the warmth of my apartment with him. I stare at my phone, expecting a text from one of the other guys, but I should know better.
Those texts aren’t coming. We’re friends and colleagues now. I made sure of that. It’s worth it. I get Matthew. And just like I told him, I don’t have regrets. It’ll be a change, but a good one. If something casual lasts too long, it stops being casual. It ends up being serious, too serious.
And serious with six guys just isn’t possible. It’s not. It’s insanity to even think I could hold onto two of them for longer than a few months. I know how the world is. I know the kind of relationships that are allowed, that are expected, that I want and work for me and I want children.I keep telling myself that until Matthew lets me know that Roman will meet me for lunch. I take my time, choosing something cute, but not sexy. I make sure my thighs are covered, that minimal cleavage is showing. I won’t let things get confused.
I walk up to Roman and he turns his gaze on me. “Bella.”
“You’re a hard man to get a hold of,” I inform him.
He nods, then folds his hands. “I’ve been waiting for this conversation.”
“You’re too observant to not notice things like this,” I murmur.
“Considering Gunner’s been in a pissy mood and you and Matthew have been sneaking around, it’s been hard for anyone to ignore.”
“We’re not sneaking. You say that and it sounds dirty and wrong. It’s not,” I hiss. “It’s not wrong for me to know what I want.”
“It’s wrong when you manipulate others and keep things in the dark while with multiple people.”
“Well sorry for not having a guidebook to satisfying my sugar daddy and his five friends!”
Another table looks over at me and I drop my head and my voice. “Don’t make me the villain, Roman. This needs to be amicable. We all agreed on temporary and we all agreed on casual.”
He nods once.
“Why Matthew?”
“I don’t understand the question.”
“Yes, you do,” He says sharply. “You and I connected well.”
“Really?” I snort. “Then you don’t know what it means to connect with someone. Having sex and being sassy with each other isn’t a connection. It’s chemistry of a sexual nature. That’s all. That’s what we had.”
“You’re minimizing.”
I take a slow breath. Why am I so worked up about this? “I chose Matthew because I appreciate him. Because we’re a good match and because we’re good together. We have potential for a good future and we have a healthy relationship.”
He nods once. “You should have told us sooner.”
“Yes. I should have. And if I knew that you would be so … bothered by this, I would have.”
“Why wouldn’t I be bothered, Bella? Almost three months. That’s how long we’ve been together.”
“The six of us. In a casual relationship.”
“No, five of us were casual with you in your point of view,” He argues.
“What’s your count then? Since clearly you’re keeping score,” I hiss. I hate being backed into a corner like this. It brings out the worst in me and I know it. “or is this something else entirely that I’m missing.”
“You see what you want to see and do what you want to do. I shouldn’t have expected any different from you.”
With that he just stands and leaves. I gape after him. Shaking my head, I snort and go back home. I throw myself into packing and work and try not to see the guys for a while. Based on Roman’s reaction, they need time.
Miles warned me about it, but I hoped for the best. The day before we’re set to leave, Matthew comes over. I don’t know why. I’m down to a sleeping bag and a bunch of boxes. But he brings pizza and beer.
I kiss him when he comes in and he gives me an extra long kiss that makes me feel like I’m floating. I smile. “Hello to you too.”
“I told the guys.”
“Everything?” I follow him into the living room where the Tv is still plugged in.
He nods. “Everything. I told them we’d be moving in together, that we’re officially dating as of right now.”
“Right now, huh?” I can’t stop the smile from spreading over my face. “The two of us making this work?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He kisses me again. “It was a mixed bag of reactions, but what else could we really expect?”
“I was delusional to think we’d all be friends after this. Roman was …”
“I know.” Matthew wraps his arms around me and I feel my heart recover a bit. “I know. He’s not good with his own emotions and can lash out when he’s hurt.”
“I didn’t save him for last because I don’t respect him.”
“I know.”
If anything, he was the hardest. Because I’d seen potential in him too. Not that I would ever say it. Not after he made me beg for things that Matthew was eager to give and not after the potential never followed through.
“They’ll settle down as we have more things to focus on. Gunner will bounce back like he always does and once Roman has a consistent workout plan and plenty to do in the office, he’ll move on.”
“Yeah, because I won’t be at work or anything,” I say with a snort.
Matthew rubs my hands as he draws back and kisses both my palms. “You have me in your corner.”
“So I get to do the boxing?” I giggle.
“Until you tag me in, gorgeous. Then I’ll fight as many battles as I can by your side.”
How is it possible not to love him when he says things like that? The sudden shift in my head from like to love is wild, but I let it go for now.
I kiss Matthew like I need him to survive and exhale. “Well, should we enjoy the amazing ambiance of my apartment one more time before we leave for our future?”
He grins and makes love to me. It’s different than any other time we’ve been together. He’s gentle and giving, letting me set the pace, giving up total control as I ride him. He wraps himself around me, feeding me kisses whenever he can, dragging his fingers down my back, licking and kissing my neck.
Matthew treats me like I’m a treasure like I’m perfect like I’m his and it’s so new and amazing that I don’t even miss the kink. I don’t miss being shared. If I get all his attention, just like this, all the time, I won’t miss a single thing.
When we both come together, we lay on the floor with the TV playing some sitcom in the background. Matthew takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. “Any regrets?”
“That we didn’t do this sooner.” I breathe against his neck.
He chuckles and places a soft kiss on my temple. “Can I spend the night, Bella?”
I lift my head and feel my smile grow wider as I stroke over his face and really understand that he’s mine. Truly and completely. I kiss him again. “You better, boyfriend.”
He beams and laughs before rolling me over and making love to me again. Oh yes. This is a future I can get behind, one hundred percent. Matthew is worth the move, worth the hard conversations, worth disappointing others and being selfish.
He’s worth everything and I can’t wait to begin our new life together, hand in hand.
